He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
