I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
