i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
