worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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