he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
