The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
