I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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