I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
This is my gift to your gina
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
