I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
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