The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
