Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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