Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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