I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
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Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
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I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
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