I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize