After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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