I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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