My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
