operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
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2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So. Much. Porn.
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