wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
