Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
