The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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