WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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