I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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