I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
