AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
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I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
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How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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