Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
