Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
