mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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