The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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