a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I came so hard my ears popped.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
