I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
