FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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