john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize