I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
