I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
