i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
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