So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
