you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
