just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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