so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
