i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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