Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
