you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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