The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
