somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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