What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
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I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
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WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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