we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
