I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
