you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
