Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
