Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
