Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize