sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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