Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
