It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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