i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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