..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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