I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
