The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
