they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
