by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
