did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i just had sex bonerless
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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