So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
