it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
