look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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