Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
