is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Randomize
