how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
